Childbirth

A process shrouded in mystery ...

Mar 19, 2025

TW: This post and the poem shared below discuss childbirth.

Yesterday was my son’s fifth birthday, which means that five years ago, I gave birth for the first (and only) time.

And quite honestly, it is a bit of a blur.

I remember some parts of it very vividly while others have become foggy and dreamlike.

What I will never forget is the fear and uncertainty. The feeling of having no control. The waves of pain. The relief when I held my little boy for the first time.

It is certainly an experience that changed my life forever.

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That day, my world changed forever.
In waves of pain, blood and gore.
I had no idea until that moment,
I would lose all that I was before.

A process shrouded in mystery,
no one lets on what it’s like.
No way to prepare for what’s coming.
There’s fear when those first contractions strike.

Months of anguish and uncertainty end,
with a plan thrown aside in a second.
I’ve never felt so exposed and vulnerable,
loss of control more than I’d reckoned.

Whispers of a brewing pandemic.
The risks to us all still unknown.
Isolated from loved ones by distance.
The only support from calls on my phone.

But the moment you lay on my chest,
my arms wrapped around a bundle so pure.
I knew my heart was complete in that second.
Your safety and happiness mine to secure.  

I was lucky that that bond was instant,
for some, it takes a little time.
To heal from the trauma of childbirth,
and connect with the new paradigm.

The scars, both physical and mental.
No time to process them all.
A body so battered and bruised.
Thoughts spinning as if in freefall.

Childbirth is so confrontational.
It challenges everything that you have been.
And changes your life forever.
With all beliefs and values in a spin.

But it gave me the greatest of gifts,
a life with your light at the heart.
Days filled with love and laughter,
our souls spiral together from that start.